The Bubbly Wiki

A series of cell-phone screenshots of the Bubbly wiki. The main color is a coral pink and it uses the Bubbly logo, which is the word Bubbly with the Y replaced with a glass of champage. The first is of the front page, where the reader is searching for ‘Teddy’. The header reads: This is the unofficial database of knowledge on the Bubbly Original Universe of soap operas, featuring 348,602 articles created and edited by Bubbly fans. Account creation is currently closed and we are not accepting applications for new editors. For information about Bubbly imports, you can consult the Sudz wiki.

The article for Theodore Rexford Maximillion III has a photo of actor Kieran Bradley as Teddy in an US Weekly promo prior to season 29. Teddy’s first appearance is in the first episode, and his status is immortal. He was played by Nicholas Sosa from seasons one to four, actor Adam King from seasons four to 18, actor Gianni Carrillo from season 19 to 28, and actor Kieran Bradley from season 29 to present. The character’s Aliases are: Teddy Rex, Maximum T-Rex (unofficial), Captain Teddy, The Shadow Baron, Maestro the Marauder, Maestro the Magnificent, and Daniel Rogers. His family contains: Theodore Rexford Maximillion, Jr (Father, deceased), Gloria Maximillion (Mother, deceased) Trixie Maximillion-Gold (Spouse), and Rexford Theodore Maximillion (Genetic duplicate, MIA-POW). His affiliations are: Hillsford Heights Hospital, Maxmore, Inc., The City of Hillsford Heights (formerly), KXYX 325 AM (formerly), Blood Guardians (formerly), Amaury Sport Organisation (formerly), World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc. (formerly), The InterDimensional Energy Alliance (formerly), American Bicycle Association, Time Corps (formerly).

Article intro: Dr. Theodore “Teddy” Maximillion III, MD[1], NBCCH[2], DD[3], CRO[4], CBM[5], MS[6] is one of the main characters of Gilding Forever, and one of the only characters to have remained consistent since season one. A surgeon with a massive ego, his fixation on his own looks has lead him to get extensive plastic surgery at least twice, but it’s implied to have happened several more times off-screen[7]. He often claims that ‘MD’ stands for ‘Muscle Doctor'[8].

Other characters treat him as a buffoon, supported by his tendency to make absurd or foolish claims followed by his catchphrase, “I’m a doctor.” However, Teddy has been revealed to have graduated from medical school at the top of his class[9], and during the Moonbase Symphonies proved himself as a master tactician[10]. Arsene Lupin once referred to Teddy as one of the best officers in the Time Corps[11]. Teddy has been married to Trixie Maximillion-Gold since the first season, and they are the only couple never to have divorced or had children. The character of Teddy was based heavily on real-life billionaire Dr. Thomas Wayne, but now draws some inspiration from his son Bruce Wayne[12].

The table of contents for the article starts with the Storyline section. Storyline includes: Early Life, Best Kept Gardens Competition, Maxibillions, Fernando and Nurse Kate, Defenestration of Senator Kyle, Summer Cruise, Shipwrecked, Race for Mayor, The Gunshot (Controversy), Haunting of Maximillion Manor, Teddy Rex: Shock Jock, The Murder of Ruby Sweet, Rise of the Vampires, The Calamity, Summer in Paris, Dakar Rally, Showdown at Armstrong Ranch, Teddy Rex: Pro Wrestler, Doppelgangers, Pregnesia, First Contact, Space Race, The Moonbase Symphonies, Tropical Vacation, BioDome V, Time Corps, Rise of the Seven Suns, Laura’s Holiday Ball, Grand Canyon Heist, and The Most Dangerous Game. The Character Development section includes: Personality, Relationships, and Character Creation. The final two sections are Trivia and quotes.

There is a break, and the next screenshot begins slightly before Fernando and Nurse Kate.

In the end, Teddy is allowed to change his name and keep his citizenship without having to surrender Maxmore Incorporated’s assets to the French[27]. Armand insists that he will not give up, but is never seen again after the trial. In season eight, it’s implied that he was deported, but no reason is given as to why[28].

Fernando and Nurse Kate

Teddy’s first appearance in season six reveals that he has already changed his last name back to Maximillion, believing that he both proved his point and achieved a moral victory. Rather than harbor animosity toward Fernando after their courtroom brawl, Teddy expresses concern, immediately noticing the signs of Fernando’s cocaine addiction. Fernando responds poorly to Teddy’s attempts to help, and the two wrestle until Nurse Kate intervenes[29]. While most of Fernando’s rehabilitation is taken care of by Nurse Kate, Teddy makes occasional housecalls throughout the next two seasons. Because he always makes a point of warning Fernando not to hurt Kate, these visits usually end with a fight between the two. In season seven, Teddy frees Fernando and Kate from their cabin after the avalanche, having noticed while skiing that it had gone missing[30]. In the season finale, Teddy acts as Fernando’s first man, carrying him bodily into the cathedral when he thinks he might have cold feet[31].

Defenestration of Senator Kyle

After Senator Kyle is found dead beneath a broken window, Teddy is arrested and charged with his murder[32]. Because he had previously thrown Senator Kyle out of the window of the courtroom, few believe his proclamations of innocence. When Trixie makes a comment about the broken glass, Daisy decides to investigate. She realizes that the glass should have been too thick to allow a person to break through it under normal circumstances, even when thrown. When she presents her findings at the science fair, Principal Candy calls Lola and James to a meeting out of concern[33]. Lola, recognizing the importance of the evidence, takes it to Fernando. Unfortunately, Fernando is the prosecutor in Teddy’s trial. While Fernando considers keeping this evidence to himself, he ultimately decides this would be unethical, particularly when Trixie continues to allow Kate to train dolphins in their pool[34].

During the trial, Teddy makes no secret of how much he despised Senator Kyle, despite Fernando’s deliberate avoidance of the topic. When Daisy’s evidence is presented, he disputes it, insisting on his ability to throw any man through any window. When Teddy attempts to remove his shirt as evidence, Fernando tries to stop him, and the two wrestle on the floor of the courtroom[35]. Finally, Daisy arrives with new evidence she found at the Midwesticorp glass factory, proving that Edwin Cummings had been cutting corners and producing unsafe panes of glass. Edwin is arrested, and Senator Kyle’s death is ruled to have been an accident[36].

The credits scene of this episode implies that Senator Kyle was actually murdered by Trixie, who took deliberate advantage of Edwin’s criminal negligence[37]. This is never addressed or acknowledged in any subsequent episodes. This is widely agreed to mark the beginning of the Secret Agent Trixie Gold arc, the first secret arc in the Bubbly Original Universe.

Summer Cruise

Three months into Vivien and Wesley’s international cruise, it’s revealed that Teddy and Trixie have been on board the ship the entire time, and may even have been witnesses to the theft of the Mathis Diamond. However, neither of them are able to provide any useful information, having been absorbed in midnight shuffleboard at the time.

There is another break, and the next screenshot begins slightly before The Gunshot.

The writers chose to accept the write-in candidates, and consequently, Estelle the Dolphin was elected mayor of Hillsford Heights. At the after-party, Teddy confesses he never really wanted to be mayor. He only wanted the title in order to add it to his collection, and was then too embarrassed to drop out of the race when things escalated[58].

The Gunshot

While walking home from the election night after-party, Teddy and Trixie are confronted by a mugger named John Bush who claims to be armed. Trixie seems to faint, and Teddy uses the opportunity to attack John. Teddy’s belief that Trixie fainted is evidence that at this point Teddy is unaware of Secret Agent Trixie Gold, rather than a co-conspirator. The fight between Teddy and John is the only such fight in the series not accompanied by Teddy’s Fight Theme. While Teddy eventually succeeds in getting the gun away from John and knocking him unconscious, he is shot in the process[59].

Comatose, his friends from around Hillsford Heights visit Teddy in the hospital, each one taking time to reminisce about the adventures they’d had together. The special two-hour clip episode ends with Fernando finally returning from Quebec. When they are alone, he admits to the unconscious Teddy that he had been having an affair. Teddy then sits up in his hospital bed, and punches Fernando in the face[60]. While subsequent episodes showed Teddy in physical therapy, it is not long before he makes a full recovery.

John Bush’s trial is one of three courtroom scenes in the show’s run not to have included physical violence. Instead, Fernando gives an impassioned speech that many have interpreted as the writers addressing the real-life Crime Alley Killer. John is found guilty, but is shown leniency when Teddy intervenes[61]. Eric Mays has stated that John Bush’s breakdown was not scripted, and he was simply overwhelmed with emotion during the scene[62]. The episode received extensive news coverage, and Gilding Forever was nominated for six Emmy Awards[63].

Controversy

S:13-E:1 famously aired only a month after the fatal shooting of Thomas Wayne and his wife. Responding to accusations that the episode and its plot were insensitive, then-showrunner Isaac Noble released a public statement explaining the show’s intentions. Because Teddy was well-known to be a kind of satire of Thomas Wayne, the writers felt their previously-planned storylines would no longer be appropriate. Isaac considered himself a friend of Mr. Wayne, and stated that the episode was written ‘in grief’.

“We never intended to imply that Thomas died because he’d done something wrong that night. The Thomas Wayne I knew always did the right thing. I wanted to write a world where doing the right thing means you get to live happily ever after.” – Isaac Noble

This statement included the first instance of the phrase and meta-rule Teddy Rex Will Never Die. Teddy has been presumed immortal since the release of the statement.

Haunting of Maximillion Manor

Teddy does not appear again until season fifteen, when Friar Diego is preparing to leave Hillsford Heights. He is stopped by Teddy, who reveals that he believes his house is haunted by the ghosts of the restless dead.

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(Thank you to Anon for requesting this… deep lore? Bubbly was previously mentioned in the Wayne Enterprises megapost.)

deliver us

Freddie’s chihuahua was being attacked by a cloud of bats. Or, possibly, Freddie’s chihuahua was attacking a cloud of bats. It was hard to tell who the actual aggressor was, under the circumstances, but history suggested that Ellen was probably at fault.

As soon as they burst through the front door, she dropped the bat she’d been chewing on and tried to look innocent. The bats may have also tried to look innocent, but Freddie wasn’t familiar enough with the expressions of bat-clouds to tell.

“I can’t believe you,” they said as they scooped her up. “Now you’re going to have to get rabies shots.”

“I don’t have rabies,” said the cloud of bats, which was now a very large man sprawled out on Freddie’s porch. He was stubbly and tousled, which would have been a better look if he hadn’t been wearing shorts and a Hawaiian shirt. They were, at least, black linen and not jorts. He had an enormous and ugly wound on his leg, pure black against paper-white skin.

Freddie looked at Ellen, and her stained black teeth. Then they looked back at the man.

“I’m going to go get a first-aid kit,” they decided.

“That would be nice,” he said.

With Ellen firmly secured into her kennel, they re-emerged into the porch with a plastic briefcase full of gauze and unguents. They assumed there were unguents. It seemed like the kind of thing a first aid kit ought to have. They’d also brought a damp washcloth, which they offered to the strange man so he could clean himself up.

“So,” they said. “You’re…”

He sighed. “Yeah.”

“A vampire.”

“What?” He made a face. “No. I’m a delivery guy.”

“… you can turn into a cloud of bats,” they pointed out.

“Yeah,” he said. “It takes a lot of bats to carry most packages. One bat would be a very inefficient delivery service provider.”

“You’re bleeding black,” they said, looking at their various bandaging options. Fortunately, the chihuahua-mauling looked much better now than it had. They offered him a tube of antibiotic ointment, which they were not convinced did anything, but which was the only unguent available. They were deeply dissatisfied at their unguent options, and would keep it in mind while purchasing future first aid kids.

“It’s ink,” he explained, smearing almost the entire tube on his leg. “In case I forget my pen.” The print of his shirt was a variety of cocktails on a black background. He wasn’t wearing a name tag.

“I don’t think I’d feel comfortable signing for a package with someone else’s blood,” they said.

“I try not to forget my pen,” he said.

“It’s almost midnight.”

“I know it was supposed to be here by eight,” he sighed. “You’re out of the way, it happens.”

“You’re also, like, eight feet…” They gestured to where he’d sprawled. “Long.”

He grinned. “That’s just good genes, is what that is.”

They bit their lip to suppress a grin in return, handing him gauze pads. “I mean, like–tall. But lying down.”

“Yeah, I got that,” he said, pressing the gauze pads against his leg. “Oh, did you think I thought you meant…? My dick? Like a dick thing? Because I didn’t. It’s not that big.”

“Oh, okay.” They were trying to keep their face neutral. It wasn’t working. They were also awkwardly working out how to wrap a bandage around his leg without getting his hand stuck. It involved a lot of getting their arms all wrapped around a strange man’s leg and trying not to make eye contact. He smelled like a broken ballpoint found in an otherwise empty backpack.

“You usually only get those kinds of proportions in things that can’t move,” he said, apparently oblivious. “Like barnacles. They can’t really, you know…” He made a gesture that approximated his hands humping each other, which at least got them out of the way of the bandages. “Instead they’ve just got to reach. With their dicks.”

“You know a lot about animal dicks,” they said.

“Yes,” he agreed, “which from your tone I’m realizing isn’t something I should reveal within the first half hour of meeting someone.” He accompanied this with a pair of silently apologetic fingerguns.

“Probably not,” they agreed. “I’m sorry you got mauled by a chihuahua.”

“There are worse things to be mauled by,” he said.

“Are there?”

“It’s an ancient and noble breed.” He said this very seriously, the way Freddie often did when defending their dog-related life choices.

They held out their hand. “I’m Freddie, by the way.”

“I know,” he said, accepting it for a shake. His hand was warm and calloused and practically swallowed theirs with the size of it. “I saw it on the label. I’m Arby.”

“Oh,” they said. They tried to think of a way to tactfully move on. “Like the meat,” they said instead.

“It’s short for Garbanzo.”

“Oh,” they said. His hand was still holding theirs, even though the handshake was over.

“I prefer Arby.”

“Yeah,” they said, which felt like a safe response. “I can see that,” they said, continuing to talk for some reason. “Meat’s good,” they finished, and should not have.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “I should probably go get your package.” He gestured to the lawn. They looked, and saw it sitting dented in the grass. The cardboard was long, and broad only at the base.

“Okay,” Freddie said, “I can definitely see why you thought I’d be down to talk weird dicks.”

“Yeah.”

Freddie was forced to confront the reality that, not long before, a cloud of bats carrying an enormous cardboard phallus had been flying toward their home. And they hadn’t even been able to take a picture of it to post on Twitter.

“Would it help if I said that it’s actually a poorly packaged, but very cool sword?”

“No,” he said. “That’s… I would say that’s worse, actually, in every possible respect.”

“A cool sword, though.”

“Everyone thinks their sword is cool.”

“Shit.” They huffed and sat on the stairs. “Yeah. It’s totally a huge… dong. I guess.”

“I was going to leave it under this table,” he said, “but your dog got pretty pissed.”

“She does that,” they said, muffled because they’d buried their face in their hands. Then they pulled themselves upright, and trudged into the yard to retrieve their mail. They had to carry it back held in both arms. “… I have a really poor sense of scale,” they explained.

“Ordering online is rough,” Arby said sympathetically.

“Are you good?” they asked.

“I think so,” he said, clumsily moving to stand. When he did, his head almost hit the roof of the porch. Freddie had to lean back a little to look up at him. “It’d be weird if I asked you out, right?”

“What?”

“I normally wouldn’t, but you seem like you’re into huge dongs, so.” He grinned.

Wow.”

He faltered. “Not that I… that’s still too big,” he said, waving a hand at the three feet of cardboard in their arms. “That seems unsafe.”

“It is.”

“You should probably consult your doctor or something before–”

“Were you thinking coffee or a movie or what?” they interrupted, and he grinned again.

“How about I just give you my number, and you can text me so we can decide?”

“I’d like that.”

“Cool.” He licked the tip of his finger, and started writing on the cardboard.

“Wait, your spit too?”

“It’s a whole thing,” he said. He had to lick his finger every time he started a new number. “There,” he said when he finished the curve of the last 5.

“If you don’t hear from me, it’s because I hurt myself with a huge dong and now I’m in a coma,” they said.

“I was always planning to assume that,” he said with a knowing nod. “Later.” Then he turned into a cloud of bats (one of whom was mummified in gauze, and had to be carried by the others) and flew away.

Freddie watched the cloud disappear across the skyline before shuffling back into their house and shutting the door. They opened the indiscreet box, and contemplated the contents. Then they pulled it out, and gave the sword a few experimental swishes. It was still covered in foam to keep it from cutting through the cardboard. The handle gleamed with silver filigree.

I think it’s a cool sword,” they said defensively to no one. Then they slouched. “It’s totally not, though.”

Atomic-Black asked
In your mind, how is Wayne Industries structured?

wow this took like six months and ended up a lot longer than i intended and i’m not even sure if i answered the question you were asking1

i am ignoring literally everything from canon because canon says that every single company owned by wayne enterprises is called Wayne Insert-Industry-Name-Here and that’s dumb as all hell and i hate it. also i made the company founding contemporary with famous olde rich people like the rockefellers and whatnot because Old Money. i’ll put dates on some of these but on some of them (like when we’re getting real granular) i just cannot be fucked to bother. let’s also agree that there are a bunch of things that are technically subsidiaries but which are actually the exact same goddamn thing just slightly altered because it’s in a different state or something, which i don’t need to list.

i am assuming for these purposes that wayne enterprises is a privately held conglomerate with control having been ceded to a board of directors during thomas wayne’s tenure as ceo-in-name-mostly as well as while the company was in a trust; the board was subsequently dissolved once bruce was old enough to make that decision. privately held companies aren’t obligated to disclose financials or maintain a board, which is great if you’re planning to be batman and also make a lot of theoretically financially unwise decisions like setting a minimum wage of $15 throughout the organization and implementing a cash profit sharing plan.

anti-trust and monopoly laws aren’t an issue because they’re way too diversified and none of their business units dominate their chosen industry. there are probably conspiracy theories that the reason for the immense diversity of interests is actually to keep different markets competitive and protect other businesses from anti-trust suits, which would be pretty compelling if every wayne from the start weren’t fueled by spite and pettiness.

anyone who wants to has blanket permission to use this for whatever because canon is for suckers but so is figuring out corporate structures yourself2

Wayne Enterprises (1864)

Wayne Capital (1864)

Technically speaking Wayne Capital was Wayne Enterprises before they diversified but I didn’t want to clutter up the big header so here we are. Ostensibly started as an investment firm, actually started as a ponzi scheme that went sideways and turned into a legitimate business. There was a war going on, things were confusing, people were dying or else just skipping town because it seemed like a good time for that kind of thing. Next thing you know you’ve got a lot of extra cash and you’re actually making a decent amount of interest on that small loan you made to that guy with the boat. One thing leads to another and now you’re a shipping tycoon who also owns some banks. These things happen.

  • Wayne Capital Bank (1865)

    • It’s a bank, you know what a bank is.
    • Coinsure (2006)3

      • Bruce hangs out with a lot of pornstars who have a lot to say about how PayPal sucks and also isn’t regulated at all because they’re not technically a bank even though they hold your money so what the fuck.
      • Created as a secure payment processor originally only usable by members of their bank but it eventually expanded outward.
      • Coinsure: Unlike Some People We Could Name, We’re Regulated Like A Bank, Because We Are One4
      • Eventually expanded into allowing user profiles, donations, recurring donations, and crowdfunding.
      • Does not yet offer a platform for posting exclusive content so in that regard it doesn’t quite suit as a Patreon or Kickstarter alternative but they’re debating adding those kinds of functionality.
      • Totally works as a Ko-Fi or GoFundMe alternative tho.5
  • Arkenity Financial (1947)

    • Large-scale industrial loans in particular are handled under this banner.
  • Coine Realty (merger 1982)

    • They bought Cobblepot Real Estate Services for cheap when the parent company was having financial trouble and then merged it with existing real estate services that were previously part of Wayne Capital.
    • Previously Cobblepot Real Estate Services actually just owned a lot of property for slumlording purposes.
    • Guess who’s still bitter.
  • Wakewater Insurance Services (1885)

    • No one wants to insure my boats? Fuck this, I’ll insure my own goddamn boats, is what I’ll do. Does anyone else want in on this? Okay, cool.6

    • Property and other insurances through Wakewater are some of the only policies to fully cover acts of supervillainy and/or heroism.

    • This division bleeds cash under Bruce but who cares.

    • Wakewater Life Insurance Company (1885)

      • Fuck this, I’ll insure my own goddamn self.
    • Wakewater Health (1983)

      • The fact that they didn’t have this until Thomas was in charge is depressing, I think we can all agree.
      • Thomas was in charge so all their plans are extremely generous.
    • Wakewater Mutual Automobile Insurance Company (1931)

      • Fuck this, I’ll insure my own goddamn cars.
    • Wakewater Home and Renters Insurance Company (1908)

      • Renters got added later, probably when Gotham got more apartments.

Tropos Energy (Formerly Wayne Oil and Gas, 1896)

When they were planning to change the name of this division, Thomas Wayne lobbied for Waynergy, and would have given up fairly quickly if someone had not pointed out that this sounded too much like Weinergy. Thomas insisted on referring to this branch of the company as ‘Weinergy’ for the remainder of his life, and no one could stop him, because he owned it. Imagine working your whole life to become one of the top energy researchers in the world just to have the guy who owns your whole company, a philanthropic brain surgeon, introduce you as ‘one of the Weiner Boys from over at Weinergy’.

  • Nor’easter Co (merger 2009)

    • Wind energy tech
    • Did they buy the company just because Bruce liked the name better than the old one? No one is sure.
  • Gotham Solar (1987)

    • Associating Gotham with the sun in any capacity is hilarious.
    • If It Works In Gotham It’s Gotta Be Good (unofficial motto)
  • Great Lakes HydroElectric (1904)

    • It’s two years younger than the hydroelectric plant near my house because I said so.
  • Galactomics (1954)

    • Nuclear power plants
    • This name seemed like a really good idea in the 50s.
    • Galactomics Lifestyle (2004)

      • Furniture and decor
      • There was a huge market for their secondhand custom kitschy office furniture so they rolled with it and made a furniture division.
      • Most people are not aware that they also run nuclear power plants.

GaleTek (Formerly Wayne Rail Company, 1871)

They were the Wayne Rail Company, and then the Gotham Rail Company, and then Gotham Land and Sea, then GLS which they pretended didn’t stand for anything or possibly stood for a variety of charming slogans, then they merged with about three different aviation companies to swallow them into their aviation division and the combined name they came up with was GaleTek. Welcome to corporate naming conventions, it’s a goddamn nightmare.

  • Hart Aviation (1927)

    • They used to have a lot of defense contracts but that all went down the tubes in the 80s because Bruce’s parents weren’t down with that. Now they just make cool shit for commercial use.
    • They also make zeppelins because it’s a comic book, someone has to make the fucking zeppelins and it might as well be Batman.
  • Gotham Rail Company (1871)

    • They’re actually a railroad so they got to keep the original name.
    • Well, sir, there’s nothing on Earth like a genuine, bona fide, electrified, six-car monorail.
  • Superior Freighters Inc. (1874)

    • I’m on a boat.
    • They’re classified as ships but generally lake freighters are referred to as boats, that’s a fun fact, enjoy.
  • Wayne Motors (1914)

    • Founded because one of Bruce’s ancestors really hated Henry Ford. You’d think it would be because of the unabashed antisemitism but it was actually the pacifism. In an ocean of good reasons to hate Henry Ford he found the bad one.
    • These were almost all notoriously-shitty also-ran semi-bootlegs until the turn of the century.
    • They also made racecars but those weren’t available for retail sale so the good racecars weren’t enough to offset the reputation of the horrible cars people could actually buy.
    • The racecars were good because Bruce’s great-grandpa had a liquor-smuggling operation.
    • Fox finally had the bright idea to just get weird with it so they brought back really old models of car with the exact same body but with electric engines. They’re extremely popular.
    • They have a contract with the city of Gotham to produce really nice city buses at a loss.

Gotham City Broadcasting Network Company (acquired 1972)

Patrick Wayne bought a broadcasting company just so they’d stop talking about Watergate. He was a big Nixon fan. The networks have gotten better since then. Thomas Wayne set a lot of strict advertising guidelines that continue to this day. It’s become an umbrella for Wayne Enterprise’s entire entertainment division, which is a bitch to map out because entertainment companies are structural nightmares7. I did this to myself but I’m still mad about it.

  • Birch & White Publications (acquired 1953)8

    • Acquired before the rest of the entertainment division because they didn’t originally have an entertainment division, just this one shitty book publisher.
    • Founded in 1866 by what was probably a secret gay couple who liked magazines about men being manly and fighting weasels, or whatever it is men did in 1866. I’m imagining the homoerotic covers on these magazines and they’re great. Do you think they were former cowboys? I’m going to say they were former cowboys9.
    • I just looked it up and Patrick’s dad was named Kenneth. Kenneth Wayne. I can’t believe this. Anyway he was really into these books as a kid so when the publisher started going defunct he just straight-up bought it.
    • Birch & White owned shares of GCBN as part of their deal with the radio station to produce radio shows of their more popular characters, which was why patrick bought this one instead of NBC probably.
    • These days they publish all sorts of stuff but they also republish their huge backlog of old weird shit. Also they brought back the pulp magazine and the homoerotic covers. I’m going to say that was Thomas. He insisted.10
  • GCBN (1931)

    • If you think I’m listing individual national network affiliates you can go straight to hell.
    • GCBN News

      • GCBN.com
    • TheGackbin.com

      • They use this one for entertainment news.
      • Did they name their website after what Thomas insisted on calling the main network? Yes.
      • “Can’t we put it in the Gackbin or something?” – Thomas Wayne, to the board of directors that actually runs his company for him, about a show that he wants to watch that doesn’t exist yet.
      • Sure, Tommy, we’ll get right on that.
      • The joke’s on them, Dog Surgeon had an enormously popular primetime run.
      • The dog surgeon had a dogtorate.
    • GCBN Sports

    • GCBN Radio (1931)

      • The original and still the champion

        • GothamRadio.com (2003)

          • They spotlight a lot of local and indie bands, it’s pretty great actually.
    • Gotham Television Company (1986)

      • This is all the cable channels. There’s a lot of them.

      • Clue TV (1986)

        • We’ve got your Columbo, your Poirot, your… other things. Also a lot of Forensic Files-esque true crime.
        • Martha loved true crime but hated reenactments and victim-blaming and bad science. So she didn’t actually like most true crime. Then she married a billionaire!
        • This was basically The Martha Wayne Background Noise Channel.
        • Now it’s The Bruce Wayne Background Noise Channel.
      • FunnyBones (1986)

        • It’s comedy but also shlocky b-movie science fiction and horror.
        • Experimented briefly with a Z instead of an S and everyone hated it.
        • In this universe they picked up MST3K because I said so and no one can stop me.
      • Civil History (2003)

        • A history channel that focuses on civil rights instead of wars and aliens and war with aliens.
      • Curiousities (1989)

        • Science news but also informative documentaries.
      • Bubbly (1986)

        • It’s a soap opera channel and lemme tell ya they’ve got some weird ones.
        • They import soaps and dramas from around the world but their original content is notorious for the depth of the lore. Why is there so much lore.11
      • Rolling Stone (1992)

        • They gave Rolling Stone a channel because why the fuck not.
        • Really good political news coverage, actually.
  • Vaudevision (founded 1914, acquired 2003)

    • Pretty comparable to RKO except it lived. You can probably guess their schtick.

      • Vaudevision Animation (1941)

        • The weird cartoons that they only show on cartoon network at 2am probably.
      • VVA Classics (2001)

        • Old-ass Vaudevision cartoons on perpetual reruns
      • Vaudevision Home Network (1983)

        • Pretty standard movie channel.
      • Vodevista (1995)

        • Spanish language television.
      • Kale Studios (2017)

        • World of Kale from Kale Studios, brought to you by Vaudevision.
        • Bruce debated over whether this would be more of a tech/software company or an entertainment company and decided on entertainment. They’re not here for revolutionary gameplay. They’re here for artistically rendered kale.
        • Also “brought to you by Vaudevision” rendered across the bottom of a video game loading screen was too funny to pass up so here we are.

Northern Hospitality (acquired 1936)

I’m starting to lose steam, here. Figuring out GCBN was exhausting. Why did I do this to myself. Anyway Wayne Enterprises owns some hotels because reasons.

  • Red Oak Hotels (1936)

    • Pretty nice hotels, lots of conference centers.
    • Art Deco as a motherfucker and they will never update their aesthetic, ever.
    • They keep stained glass artisans across the country in business.
  • Lakeshore Motel (1962)

    • So skeevy
    • Can’t argue with the prices tho
    • Efforts have been made to get them less skeevy but they’ve still got a pretty skeevy vibe.
  • Amberview Hotels (acquired 2005)

    • Midrange hotels, extraordinarily generic.

    • Bruce bought these just to put another layer of separation between himself and the inns he wanted to open because the Lakeshore Motels were too skeevy.

    • Amberview Inn (2006)

      • Cheap like a motel with hourly rates but actually about as nice as the hotels.
      • Cops keep trying to set up stings because of the reputation as a favorite for sex workers but they have very good lawyers telling them to fuck off.
      • They hire a lot of women with large gaps in their employment history.
  • Grand Lighthouse Resort (1906, acquired 1940)

    • It’s on its own island. Maximum fanciness.
    • They replaced the golf course with a small farm in the 90s and now all the fancy food is grown on their fancy farm.

Wayne Health (1908)

So many supervillains used to work under the Wayne Health umbrella. Mostly because when people do evil shit they get fired. It’s not supervillainy if you’re gainfully employed doing it. If you’re unemployed and experimenting on animal brains, you have a problem.

  • Wayne Health (1908)

    • Originally Wayne Ray Tech. They made X-Rays. The name was meant to imply that they had other, even better rays. It was 1908. It seemed plausible.
    • Started making centrifuges and pH meters in the 30s, then expanded into spectrophotometers… why am I telling you specific devices? They gradually added more and more lab and medical technologies, that’s good enough.
    • Anyone who tries to make anything brain-related gets the side-eye these days. They’ve been burned too many times before.
    • “And it’s definitely not supposed to be used to read or control minds?” any engineer working on a brain-related project will be asked, repeatedly, forever.
  • Wayne Care Network (1966)

    • Patrick bought some hospitals. I don’t know why. Why does anyone do anything? Why am I doing this? The world is filled with mysteries. They probably own a lot of hospitals and clinics that I don’t feel like exploring.

    • Gotham Central Hospital System (1966)

      • Patrick probably wanted special treatment at the hospital. Maybe a doctor tried to start shit. Honestly that would explain a lot about why Thomas became a doctor.
    • St. Rita’s Hospital (1984)

      • Thomas Wayne’s baby and where he did most of his work as a surgeon. Ask him about the guy with the brain maggots! Just kidding, you don’t have to ask. He tells everyone that story. He’s great at parties.
  • ChemiCare (1975)

    • Pharmaceutical development.
    • Pretty standard pharma company until Thomas got his hands on it. Insulin! Insulin for everyone! They’re practically giving it away!
    • I’m making myself sad so let’s move on.
  • Asclepius Digital (2006)

    • Health software, digitization of file systems, etc
    • It’s boring but vital, okay?

Gotham Department Stores, Inc. (1898)

Owning a department store: all the cool tycoons are doing it. Right? Right. Started as Wayne Co, eventually diversified and Wayne Co became a subsidiary of a larger company.

  • Wayne Co. (1898)

    • Started specifically to get in on the whole ‘mail order catalog’ craze.
    • Even more specifically, the ones full of snake oil. Just, pages and pages of horseshit potions and elixirs.
    • We wrapped this tapeworm in some cocaine for ultimate weight loss! Order today!12
    • They also sold other things, eventually. But mostly weird bottles of nonsense.
    • Actually did a lot better in the Great Depression when they sold cheap shit by mail, only some of which still had tapeworms and cocaine in it.
    • These days it’s very Sharper Image. Lots of toys and airplane catalogs.
  • Gotham Department Store (1916)

    • What if we sold things in stores? Wacky idea, I know.
    • They didn’t stick with the Wayne Co. name because Wayne Co. had… a reputation. On account of all the coked-up tapeworms.
    • They tried to go for a high fashion demographic, which worked out for about ten years and then went all to hell for another ten years.
    • Spent many years as the store Grandma would take you to for back-to-school clothes shopping.
    • Saw a resurgence in the modern day with the advent of such exclusive product lines as the infamous “It Has Pockets” line of women’s fashion.
  • Green Market (1995)

    • Thomas to his board of directors: “What if we opened a grocery store that sold nothing but food produced ethically enough and of high enough quality that I would be willing to buy it for my family?”
    • “Mr. Wayne are you asking this just because you’re sick of not being able to make impulse food purchases while shopping”
    • Thomas Wayne fingerguns aggressively while backing out of the boardroom.
    • They really need to work on their marketing because everyone assumes it’s all pricey organic stuff instead of reasonably-priced locally-sourced products.

SuperModern Foods Company (1962)

This name seemed like a good idea in the 60s. I was going to list all the things here but have you ever looked at what Nestle owns? Or Unilever? You think I’m making a list like that? No. Fuck that. They probably used to own a lot more companies and then got rid of a bunch of them because they sucked.

  • Space Cakes (1962)

    • They should have changed the name but they didn’t and they get bought by a lot of confused stoners.
    • A fixture at Gotham gas stations.
  • Havermann Dairy (acquired 1967)

    • Space Cakes had a disagreement with a dairy supplier so they bought them. As one does.
  • Alberici Meats (acquired 1974)

    • They had to do something with all the extra cows.
  • Tucker’s Old-Fashioned Soda (acquired 2015)

    • “Why did Bruce Wayne acquire an obscure small-town Kansas soda company?”
    • “Who can possibly understand the whims of the idle rich,” says local reporter.
  • Saraniti Pickles (acquired 2017)

    • Walmart nearly destroyed their perfectly-acceptable business with shady practices.
    • Spite: A Valid Way To Run A Business Since 1864

GRC (1924)

I have put off finishing this for like two months because I was so deeply disinterested in figuring out the technology subsidiary, but now I’m putting off finishing something else so here we are. Originally the Gotham Radio Company, now it’s just GRC because video killed the radio star and also they mostly make weird shit that isn’t radios. In close competition with Wayne Health to see whose former employees are most likely to become supervillains.

  • GRC (1924)

    • Technically speaking they still make radios and turntables and whatnot, but mostly it’s, like. Cables. Circuit boards. The kind of shit that only gets used by other companies and also people who have to make a road trip to Fry’s because all the other stores just sell phones now. Have you ever tried to replace a fucked-up molex connector without having to order something online? It’s hell. They stock GRC products in a special section of the Gotham Department Store, I decided this just now while thinking about molex connectors and getting mad.
    • Did you know RCA’s vacuum tubes were called Radiotron?? Why are all the names for things so shitty now when we used to name things stuff like Radiotron. This has nothing to do with anything, except I guess for the fact that GRC probably still manufactures weird vacuum tubes that would otherwise be impossible to find.
    • GRC is a godsend for vintage radio enthusiasts.
  • Maelstromatic (1929)

    • I’m not saying they picked their name based on the fact that a maelstrom is theoretically a more powerful whirlpool but also that’s exactly what I’m saying.
    • These appliances will fuck you up and that’s a guarantee.
    • They’re safe now but for a long time they had a reputation of being extremely powerful and dangerous.
    • “If you forgot to empty your pockets the Maelstromatic washer would turn all your bills blank… those were the days.”
    • Old people complain about how the new energy-efficient Maelstromatic appliances just aren’t as good as the ones that would trip the breaker most of the time and regularly burn their clothes.
  • GRC Labs (1938)

    • Someone’s gotta make that weird shit!! This universe has superior grappling hook technology and they have GRC Labs to thank. I’m gonna say it was developed for the military to infiltrate Nazi castles? That seems plausible. They had a scientist thinking outside the box, and inside the grappling hook.
    • So many supervillains…
    • They’re on such high alert now but it’s really hard to tell a mad scientist from a regular scientist. You’d think it would be obvious but the guy who’s obsessed with jetpacks is just a regular ol’ nerd. He monologues about jetpacks on the reg but he’s never tried to rob a bank or become a jetpack cyborg. He just loves jetpacks. Meanwhile that guy with the robot cat for the elderly nearly killed like thirty people. Shit’s unpredictable.
  • Computronic Machines (1965)

    • It was the sixties and everyone was making computers.

    • The Computronic Program-o-Mat was deeply unpopular despite having what was clearly a better name than any other home computer ever made.

    • Nerds these days lust after original Program-o-Mat cases to put new computers inside them and then make them run Doom.

    • They make decent consumer tech now. Desktops, laptops, phones. Boring stuff.

    • Computronic Machine Programs (1972)

      • They made decent niche technical software and that kept the whole division afloat quite frankly.
      • Contemporarily they produce a lot of security software and apps, and have even released specialized forks of certain operating systems.
      • These days the most well-known software to come out of this division is CB Chat, a hyper-secure and super-encrypted chat program because Bruce wanted one. It is popularly assumed that this was because he did not trust Snapchat with his nudes. He has never disputed this.
      • They will never change their name. Never.
  • Telelectroscope (2003)

    • Internet and cable service provider.
    • Keeps getting sued by other ISPs for making their prices so low. It’s not fair!! They’re trying to put us out of business!! Wah!!!
    • This was pretty much the first thing Bruce did when he became CEO because his internet at the mansion was garbage and he was mad about it.
    • Spite: A Valid Way To Run A Business Since 1864

… i can’t think of anything else to add to this list. am i… am i done? am i free?13

testing this out with post-title permalinks but i’m p sure it still hates title-less posts (which is, yanno, fair)

really loving how all the tumblr cross-post plugins are old and busted, and no desktop blog editors for wordpress support tumblr publishing (except for like two that are mac only)

i’m. tired.

on a fundamental level i am aware that this is probably a very silly way of doing things (versus putting a blog into my main website, somewhere sensible)

but i would still very much prefer to have a distinct space for word vomit, and i feel a vague and nonsensical desire to keep my main site ‘professional’ in some illusory way 1

at least i managed to get footnotes working 2

hnnnn still no luck figuring out a good tumblr cross-poster and trying to set a featured image seems to bork the whole thing

(possibly this is a pterotype issue since it seemed to work okay before that)

but whatever WHATEVER it seems to work for right now so fuck it

if my local tumblr import ever finishes i’ll see if i can archive it right here in the same place, otherwise i’ll keep working on importing the scraped backup into grav as a frozen-in-time archive

(i could theoretically keep posting with grav but it super duper does not like having a whole lot of posts lmao)

oh shit is this actually working??

an cat

how did this get here i am not good with computers